Latinx Files: Spending Thanksgiving with your Trump-supporting relatives

Periodically, the Latinx Files will feature a guest writer. This week, we’ve asked De Los contributing columnist Alex Zaragoza to fill in. If you have not subscribed to our weekly newsletter, you can do so here.

Well, here we are again. Another four years of a Donald Trump presidency looms ahead, with its assurances of an immigration policy centered on mass deportation, further restrictions on reproductive rights, and the high likelihood of more lies, racist rhetoric, and conspiracy theories that will deliver fresh chaos into our lives. It’s what America’s most felony convicted president does!

The first big hurdle in navigating those choppy red waves is Thanksgiving, otherwise known as the Super Bowl of fighting with your family.

This year’s holiday season is sure to be a MAGA minefield for Latinx people who voted blue in this election and have to pass the potatoes to their Trump-loving relative, especially considering Latinx voters shifted right this time around and may be more emboldened than ever before. Although it’s not our first rodeo, for many, this time around feels like a breaking point with their families.

Sarah P., a 38-year-old arts educator based in Chicago, is nervous about coming home to Los Angeles for the holidays and dealing with her parents, second-generation Mexican Americans who voted for Trump.

“We’ve already done the whole sit at the kitchen table where it gets heated and to be honest, there’s never going to be decent enough conversations where anyone’s going to leave with a new frame of mind,” she said. “Knowing that we’re here again… I don’t know what to do but just sort of protest [against] my family.”

For Sarah, that means rocking passive-aggressive tees with political slogans to dinner or “coming in swinging when they start discussing Trump.” In realizing she’s struggling to have ideological conversations with her family, Sarah wonders “how we as a society are going to have them.”

That conundrum has been playing out all over news cycles, social media, and in our real-life conversations, with many vocalizing their disbelief that Latinx people would vote for Trump.

“Coming from a family of immigrants, and seeing a family member be aligned with some of the rhetoric that Trump has, it was very heartbreaking this year,” said Monica Mendoza, an L.A.-based architect who is queer and whose brothers are both Trump supporters. “I love my brothers. It hurts to know that certain things that they stand for would potentially put me in danger.”

Having immigrant parents or a cousin who’s undocumented or a queer sister or personal reproductive issues didn’t seem to sway some voters — a cognitive dissonance only matched by those in liberal spaces expressing their hope that Latinx folks be deported for voting Trump. Identity doesn’t intrinsically grant morality or consciousness or critical thinking. There’s a long list of reasons why Latinx people moved their support to the Republican candidate, including but not limited to cultural beliefs, economic anxieties and the proliferation of targeted misinformation.

Understanding that doesn’t mean you don’t want to throw a fistful of stuffing at your brother when he parrots a harmful Trump talking point while saying grace over a glazed turkey.

Carolina A., a Brooklyn-based consultant, has been struggling with her brother and his wife, who she says have become increasingly radicalized over the years. “I have suppressed myself because I want to spend quality time with my family,” she explained. “I don’t want everything to be a fight. How many aggressions can one take?”

After the election, Carolina had enough and took to her family group chat to air out her anger, calling Trump voters “selfish,” “ignorant,” and “disgusting,” aiming to reach her brother. It set off a landslide of finger-pointing and further name-calling. Since then, she hasn’t spoken to her brother, and she has chosen to take a less passive approach in the future when it comes to ideological discussions with her family.

“This has taught not just to make stronger boundaries, but to be very vocal instead of trying to tiptoe around it or dismiss it,” she explained.

While initially she was planning on skipping Thanksgiving, Carolina has had a change of heart, but told her mom that she’s only willing to attend if they can have “real, open conversations” where everyone can “speak about their grievances.” “I feel like it’ll be healthy for the family,” she added. “I want it to be an opportunity for growth.”

This resonates with Mendoza, though she’s taking a softer approach. She’s spending Thanksgiving with her family in Tijuana and will be bringing her girlfriend for the first time, who will meet her brothers who both harbor negative views of LGBTQ+ people. Nothing new in a stereotypical Mexican family, but after this election, Mendoza feels greater tension and fear, especially for her partner.

“They have never met me in a relationship with another woman,” she told me. “It’s scary, but part of me wants to be brave. But the political state of things makes me hesitant to go.”

Even so, she hopes to continue these difficult conversations with her brothers at Thanksgiving, hoping that perhaps seeing their sister in a happy relationship will be the slight change in the conversation that pushes them forward.

Politics have long been a thorny issue within Latinx families. Racist tias and homophobic dads have always existed in our families, and the challenges of that have long been shared. What this election exposed is the many complexities within Latinx identity — for better or worse, and with its many contradictions — at an intensified scale, as well as the myriad ways Latinx people have been failed by our political system on every side.

We are a culture riddled with toxic forgiveness, letting things slide for the sake of family closeness, but this election and a more large-scale concern with mental health in our culture is changing the ways in which many want to set boundaries in the coming years.

Fights are baked into Thanksgiving by the simple reality that any gathering with a lot of people who hold varying ideologies and opinions can become uncomfortable, hostile or unsafe. An election year like this one will only exacerbate that, and Latinx people will especially be feeling it. This Thanksgiving will set the tone for what our familial relationships will look like for the foreseeable future, and reflect the necessary conversations and actions that need to be had at a larger level to effect change. If we’ll get there is only something we can hope for at this moment.

(Jackie Rivera / For The Times; Martina Ibá?ez-Baldor / Los Angeles Times)

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